The Comfort Zone

Could there be 'comfort' in discomfort?

Why step outside the comfort zone? Is it so bad to stay in your safe place?

Lately, I seem to find myself surrounded by juxtapositions ⁉️ 

It feels like my brain is constantly switching from one side to the other....

Is this good or bad?

Do I like or dislike this?

Does this still resonate with me or is it time to move on?

One of the biggest divides I had to learn to navigate in order to really find my middle road was around chemotherapy 😮‍💨

Currently on my 'third rodeo', this has been one of the most challenging subjects I have ever had to deal with, both physically and emotionally.

From the very first treatment that left me completely debilitated to managing the side effects like a pro these days... it has not been easy to accept this rocky path.

I'd always seen chemotherapy as the worst possible pharmaceutical drug one could have. 

This way of thinking ➕️ Images of ill looking cancer patients on TV adverts ➕️ Movie scenes 🟰 A petrifying conclusion that this is the worst poison the body could be exposed to!

So when I was told that chemotherapy was the only treatment option available... rage, fear, confusion and despair kicked in... all at once 😰

Having lived a fairly healthy and holistic lifestyle, free from medication, for several years this was really hard to accept.

And yet, the fear of dying along with survival instinct kicked in and I decided to go ahead with the treatment, much to my disgust.

I went along with it with a lot of mental resistance... every time!

I just could not accept how such violent drug is still around.

I researched every possible alternative and.... found myself lost... even more confused and angry!

There are indeed alternatives! In fact, there are numerous modalities of holistic cancer care. But these are only available to some, the cost to access these treatments is astronomic!

The anger barometer kept climbing at this stage....

I thought of every possible way I could pay for such treatments but something within me was still niggling.... I had not found a single success case of cholangiocarcinoma! 

Well... this reality felt like being hit in the face with a frying pan 😣

So I completed 6 months of the 'poison' and actually, to my surprise, had a good response and managed the side effects well despite having a very bumpy start 🙏

I was really pleased to see the end of it though and prayed I would never have to have chemo again!

The universe, however, had other plans for me... exactly a year later I found myself embarking on another 6 month cycle of treatment.

This time I knew and felt I had to do things differently. Anger and fear are two very strong emotions with the lowest vibrations.

Such feelings can leave the body in a state of inflamation.

How could I heal if my body was constantly under this emotional stress?!

With the help of guided meditations and visualisations I started to accept chemotherapy and stopped seeing it as poison. I saw it as medical treatment that combined with my holistic practices would give me the best outcome.

I was once again delighted when it came to an end and, yet again, hoped I would never go near it again!

Then.... a year later.... yes, you guessed it!!!

Rodeo 3 🙄 here I go again...

This time, however, I was not scared. I felt empowered! 

'I know the drill...bring it on' 💪 I thought...

All the side effects are the same... I know how to manage them like a fine art!

Which brings me to the start of this blog.... the comfort zone!

Despite the unpleasant side effects, it feels like this is part of life. It is so odd but it is like I feel comfortable in the discomfort 🤷🏻‍♀️ everything feels so familiar now... the good days, the unpleasant days... the 'stay away from people' days (I will write a post about the side effects of chemo).

I learnt to accept that it does not have to be a battle between modern medicine and traditional methods of healing. Why not combine both? If we humans developed such inovative methods, why not combine them with over five thousand years of ancient knowledge? Are we so arrogant in the west to really think that conventional/allopathic medicine, that has been around for '5 minutes', is the answer to everything? We are still a long way from reaching the harmony between the two 'camps' in our society but there is hope!

I certainly found my middle road!

I learnt to find comfort in the discomfort... I learnt to let go of resistance and control and accept where I am at along this journey...

I learnt to merge the holistic with the conventional...

Having spent most of my younger years stepping outside my comfort zone... from air (skydive) to water (scuba dive)... earth (offroad motorbiking) to fire (wild camping) I have gratefully had my fair share of adventures 🙏 but now I feel it is a time to find comfort in having a routine.

Of course, I don't want to have chemo long term... I am still aiming for the spontaneous remission! But in the meantime I accept and trust that I am exactly where I am supposed to be ... I will stay in my 'un-comfort' zone for as long as it is necessary! ✨️ 💫 ✨️

Sara 💙 

'We need to be willing to be comfortable with discomfort in order to grow'

Michael Port