Chemotherapy - Resistance - Surrender
I would like to start by aknowledging that I am aware this is a very sensitive subject and what I am going to write might trigger some people's traumas. If this is you please skip this post and leave it for another time, that is perfectly ok.
Some of you might resonate with my story and if so I hope you find a 'comfortable blanket' in these words.
This has been my voyage and how I chose to steer the rudder... my way of adding honey to bitter lemons and making a sweet lemonade 🍯🍋
When I first embarked on this journey back in June 2022 I sure was not equiped for what lay ahead....not a single tool, nothing...nada...niente!!!
Fast forward to today and 3 rodeos of 8 cycles of chemotherapy later, amongst major surgery, immunotherapy and targeted therapy and I feel like I have created my personal school: 'Sara's academy of chemotherapy management' 🤓📝
As I start to write this post, I have just compled the final stretch of this particular road... the next path? I really do not know, only the Source can guide me ✨️🙏
In the meantime, please allow me to share my findings thus far...
June 2022 - Meeting the nurse
After all the pleasantries were exchanged, she proceeded to explain the treatment and possible side effects and the support I would receive.
The nurse was wonderful, but the fear and dread within me kept growing with each word she was saying... 😰 all I heard was alarm bells 🚨
... and so eventually I left with with a carefully curated pack to equip me for the journey ahead 📦
Once I gathered the strength to go through the road maps 🗺 I learnt about the trails I could come across:
• Risk of infection - can reduce number of white blood cells (great, now I need to become a germ phobic)
• Bruising and bleeding - can reduce number of platelets in the blood
• Anaemia - can reduce number of red blood cells (brilliant, like my iron levels were ever high!)
• May affect how the kidneys and liver work (well this is wonderful given the cholangio location!)
• Feeling sick (yeahh 🤮)
• Loss of appetite (really? I am foodie)
• Diarrhoea (nice 🤢)
• Constipation (ouch 😖)
• Changes to your taste (really? foodie remember?!)
• Sore mouth and throat - may cause mouth ulcers and mouth or throat infections (errrmmm how am I suppose to eat 💁🏻♀️)
• Skin changes - may cause an itchy skin rash due to an allergic reaction 😣
• Hair loss - hair will get thinner or may lose all the hair 😥
• Fluid build-up in the body
• Hearing changes - may cause hearing changes, including hearing loss and tinnitus (please don't)
• Effects on the heartbeat - may cause fast, irregular or slow heartbeats 😧
• Feeling tired - a common side effect of this treatment. It is often worse towards the end of the cycles and for some weeks after it ends 🤦🏻♀️
• Problems sleeping or feeling drowsy - may have difficulty sleeping or feel drowsy (you've got to be joking, I love my sleep!)
Less common side effects of GemCis
• Effects on how the lungs work - such as a cough that does not go away; wheezing, breathlessness
• Muscle or joint pain - may get pain in muscles or joints for a few days after treatment
• Numb or tingling hands or feet - peripheral neuropathy - may affect the nerves in fingers and toes which can cause numbness, tingling or pain in hands or feet. Fiddly tasks such as fastening buttons or tying shoelaces could feel harder
I don't know about you, but at this point I just wanted to throw those maps in the bin and walk away.... who would want to trail along such scary paths?
But I did it... I still do... I still walk along these! The difference now is I can walk with my eyes closed because I know my way around them so well. I am no longer scared like when I started! I am confident and most importantly...I am filled with Faith (most of the time)!
So, when it comes to the side effects... which ones did/do I experience, you may wonder?!
In some form or another and at different points over the years, almost all of the above! Not all full blown, scary episodes though, some were very subtle and came on and off. But nothing comes close to the very first session... that one I will never forget as it left me completely debilitated in less than a week. I confess that was really scary to those around me. I do not even know if I was scared as I was so out and completely numb 😨
From the very begining and after such episode, I knew that I had to support my body whilst undergoing such agressive treatment. This inner wisdom came from years of empowering myself by taking full responsibility and the 'rudder' of my health. I never accepted 'impossible' as an answer... it is only 'impossible' in that person's field because they have not yet aquired further knowledge on the matter or looked from all angles.
Good job I was born with eagle and owl vision 🦅🦉
Years prior, despite the impossible, I managed to heal from eosinophilic esophagitis (quite a mouth full hey? I dare you to say it out loud and fast 😅)
I also experienced living in agony from scoliosis pain and yes... you guessed it... sorted it! 🙌
You start to get my drift... if anyone can do it, I can! I said from day 1 that I am not a medical statistic. In order to be one, I would need to be cloned so a like for like comparisson could be conducted 🤷🏻♀️
So, I picked myself up, dusted myself off and started gathering my safety and survival tool kit 🧰 Let's go!
Sara 💙
"The real voyage of discovery consists, not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."
Marcel Proust
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