From Christmas & NYE to Winter Solstice & Yule ...
Having been raised in a Catholic culture, I never knew anything different about the December festivities so I just went along with it all.... year after year...
But something deep within me never felt right... and I was never able to figure out what it was?!?
Little did I know this was just the start of another journey... another chapter of my life; the retrieval of another puzzle piece of my Soul ✨️
Why did I feel so lost and confused during the 'most wonderful time of the year'? If it was the 'season to be jolly' how come I did not experience any sense of joy? Why did TV adverts of stuff and more stuff irritate me? Why was I not excited about New Years parties like the rest of my family?
Was I 'broken'? No wait, maybe depressed? Why was I not like 'everyone else'?
Fast forward a few years and I find myself age 40, deeply content waking up with a smile from ear to ear, on the morning of the 25th of December! No... There were no presents waiting for me! None!
So what has changed? And more importantly, how???
For years I struggled with seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and did not realise what it was until I read a magazine article that, like a miracle, had all my 'symptoms' listed!
'This is it! I now know why I experience episodes of deep sadness despite being happy with my life'!
'I know what will help it.... holidays in the sun during the Winter months, boom! Problem solved' 🙌
Except...it did not... I always returned feeling emptier than when I left....and always fell into a deep 'post holiday blues' slump. A cave even darker than the SAD one!
But slowly... over the years things started to shift and new inner feelings and thoughts resurfacing...
Without realising it, I immersed myself into finding how I could overcome these sad feelings. As well as starting to supplement with vitamin D during the Winter months, learning about Hygge was life changing.
Without any thought put into it, I found myself finding comfort in honouring every season.
I adopted new rituals and routines such as changing the décor around the home by having soft/warm throws and cushions in Autumn/Winter and light/fresh ones in Spring/Summer; lighting natural candles; having more plants around, etc.
But the real game changer was in fact ACCEPTANCE! Accepting each season as it is rather than trying to fight it and expect to live like it is Summer all year round!
This is where most of us come unstuck.... we live under the illusion that we can carry the energy of the Summer everywhere we go, all the time! But here is a clue.... We cannot!!! It is not humanly possible!!!
Only when we start connecting with nature and paying attention to what it can teach us, can we find true peace and contentment from within.
Let's take a walk around this season's path, shall we? Please allow me to guide you...
Once upon a time, before Christianisation and Christmas became a celebration, our ancestors lived their lives more connected and in tune with nature.
Celebrations back then were around the wheel of the year. Yule and Winter Solstice would have involved some form of nature based rituals to honour the season and the return of the light of the sun since nights become shorter to give way to longer days.
Yule teaches us to honour the cycles of life: birth and death. It shows us the path to hope and light and leads us towards the warmth of the seasons to come.
But what I love the most about it, and opposite to what everyone else seems to be doing during this time of the year, is that it is a time to find stillness, reflect on the year gone by and continue to attend to the seeds of gratitude.
When I look around and see all the rushing around and stress involved with Christmas festivities, I cannot help but feel that it could not be more far removed from the essence of Yule: a time to slow down and dive inward, let our inner lights shine despite the darkness outside.
The more I learnt about Yule the more interested and fascinated I became, somewhat a light within me started to shine brighter.
Even the now Christmas traditions such as decorating trees, using holly and mistletoe and wreath making were originally a big part of Yule celebrations and rituals. Back then, however, with a deep meaning as these natural foraged items symbolised protection, love and rebirth amongst others.
Suddenly everything started to make sense and I felt a sense of belonging. A new breath of fresh and invigorating air was filling me.
Whilst Christmas always left me feeling drained, stressed and stirred a sense of guilt around gift giving (not enough...too much...did I forget someone...) Yule on the other hand leaves me feeling revitalised and connected.
I now feel a deep sense to bring back the traditions and rituals and celebrate nature rather than the commercial Christmas around me and cannot help but wonder.... if Jesus was not actually born on the 25th of December and Santa is not real... what exactly have I been celebrating all these years?
If the most important thing to me is in fact time spent with family then the ancient wheel of the year not only makes more sense but also gives us even more dates to celebrate... sounds like a win-win to me!
There is another aspect that does not sit well with me, the unstoppable excessive consumerism and waste, the tons of of stuff bought just for the sake of it, all the wrapping, cards and crackers... this is just far too much when our beautiful planet is already suffocating with so much stuff!
So did I just turn my back on this path and walk away??? No, I did not... I just had to once again Find the Middle Road...
The first step on my newly found path is to stay true to myself and my values whilst accepting and respecting other peoples'.
I love my family and spending time with them so of course I will continue to join them on Christmas eve and day and cherish seeing them happy but, just because they do things in a certain 'traditional' way, it does not mean I have to follow.
I am also very aware that, whilst humans on this planet, we will undoubtedly create some form of waste during our life time and we will always need to buy things. I also believe that part of our experience on earth and being born in this part of the world comes with a level of 'material experiences'.
I feel, however, that if we all learnt to shop mindfully and buy quality rather than quantity we would be making a huge difference.
And with regards to NYE celebrations and resolutions... I really just want to be cosy at home in my PJ's!
Who exactly thought it was a good idea to start new year's resolutions in January? This sure never felt like a good time of the year to start anything new?! Just look around you and observe animals and nature... Animals hibernate or slow down to save their energy; nature 'stops growing' and waits for Spring to birth new life! We humans decide to take up some new crazy fitness regime and start new projects and then wonder why they 'fail' within a few weeks... No, it is not because people lack self-discipline! It is because they are 'swimming against the current'.
With dozens and dozens of calendars in the history of civilization, this sure is a twisty path that leaves me feeling dizzy! I will stick to the easy path and keep things simple at my end by following the ancient wheel of the year.
And as of big celebrations? Birthdays have always been my favourite, after all I get to celebrate life and time spent on this planet!
Whatever path you chose to follow... may it be filled with many blessings, gratitude, love and laughter 🌹☘️
Sara 💙
“But that shadow has been serving you!
What hurts you, blesses you.
Darkness is your candle.
Your boundaries are your quest.
You must have shadow and light source both.
Listen, and lay your head under the tree of awe.”
-Rumi
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